I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
