I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
