I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
