Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
