I hate all girls vehemently.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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