Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
