He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
