I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
