Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
