I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
