who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
