im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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