Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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