So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
