I think i peed on brittanys purse
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
