Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
