its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
