he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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