And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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