Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
