May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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