you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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