I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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