the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
