I feel like I'm in dance class right now
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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