we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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