I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize