Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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