Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you didnt know i had herpes?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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