Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
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