I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize