You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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