My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
