yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
My underwear smells like fireworks.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
