Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Say something about gay babies.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize