Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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