When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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