yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
