I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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