thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
