Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
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