In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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