in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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