Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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