is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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