I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize