To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I am spending my child support on dildos
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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