I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
