If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
