Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
