is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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