Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
