Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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