apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
