Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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