God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
