I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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