Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
