This is not my ceiling
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
