Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
