I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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