I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Actions speak louder than pants.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
