Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
