i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize