her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
