Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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