Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i wish my penis had a tongue
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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