Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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