I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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