I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
