Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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