I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
