He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
