I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
