I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
